The 48 hours when I didn't think self-management worked...

I had about 48 hours mid-2016 when I honestly thought self-management didn’t work. Everything that I had based the last 5 or so years of my life (personally and professionally) was a lie. Those 48 hours painfully passed, and left me with a reaffirmed understanding of self-management and belief in the process.

That invisible way stress accumulates, that way you start to be aware of it and think that you can cling on until X or Y and then you can rest and sort it all out… and then very suddenly, you can’t and it all crashes down around you. I had what I can only describe as a the worst panic attack, but it was nothing to do with panic and more a depression attack, but with all the standard panic attack symptoms. Typical for me, with my history of major medical events, this happened whilst I was out sailing. Whisked away by my (utterly brilliant and unconditionally supportive) parents to my grandmothers house, a real safe haven for me, I was in shock and quite numb. Everything had just got a bit too much, and I had burnt out. 

Red flags on a Monday morning…

Before 11am on a recent Monday morning, I felt in need of another weekend.

I was chairing a group of patients and carers, who meet to review transformation programmes locally.

In preparation for the meeting, I had spoken to the speaker to check timings and they were clear about what they wanted to discuss and how to do that. I was assured all was ok!

The meeting started well, and the first item on the agenda was introduced – prioritizing areas of a specific programme for in depth co-production engagement work. With 40 mins set for the item on the agenda, the first ten minutes quickly disappeared with an introduction on the process that got the programme to where it was that day, and the questions starting flying in… and my internal chimp mind (the italics below) went into overdrive and concepts of mindfulness went out the window.

The cost of emotions on our spoons

Before reading further, if the term 'Spoon Theory' is unfamiliar, please read this post by Christine Miserandino!

I use the Spoon Theory personally to help me think about what I do each day and how I use my energy. I also share it as a resource in my role as a self-management coach with the people with long term health conditions who I support.

Recent personal experience and that of the people who I support has made me see that I need to consider more broadly how I use my spoons. This has been a very interesting thing for me to be aware of - seeing as I spend so much of my time talking about (in less theoretical terms) the biopsychosocial model. Managing my health is about the physical things, but equally, the emotional and social (or day to day) impact that my health has.

Feeling stressed about being stressed!

Living with chronic illness is stressful. For many reasons.

Medical appointments . . . trying to hold down a job . . . the symptoms . . . missing out on life while trying to 'pace yourself' . . . fears for the future . . . knowing that being stressed makes the condition worse (cue downward-spiralling circle) . . . running out of prescriptions on a Friday evening . . . knowing you have a relapse coming . . . etc. etc. etc.