I have overdone it.
Despite preparing well before my holiday, two weeks after returning, I'm in need of another break. Because this time, I have not paced myself.
Despite getting ready to go away like a good self-manager, I utterly neglected to plan or do anything that resembled taking care of myself once I returned, straight back into two busy weeks and I feel totally floored and as exhausted as I've ever felt.
It has been a real crash landing back to reality, as on holiday I felt as if I could climb a mountain (not quite literally, but almost!). Coming back, just try to function each day felt like Mount Everest. It has been hard to manage the roller coaster of feeling so empowered and then so disabled by my condition in the space of a week.
So I admit I have overdone it. And I really hate admitting that!
This got me thinking - why is it so hard to admit that I have overdone it?
Everyone warns me about not overdoing it, meaning well, and I've never had someone say "I told you so", but sometimes it just isn't that simple! How do I balance pushing myself and avoiding creating a glass ceiling for myself with trying to not overdo it?
I've been feeling in a lot of pain, and probably inconvenienced lots of people these last two weeks with not being on the ball with emails etc. not to mention being really grumpy and really, I have only got myself to blame - I have overdone it.
It is also a stark reminder of what my health really is and how not coping feels.
But I work as a self-management coach, and talk about self-management pretty much all the time. So this really was the time to not only talk the talk but walk the walk. If I was having to really work to recover having overdone it, why was I so embarrassed to admit that? Thanks to the wisdom of one my most supportive peers, I had the courage to post the following as my email 'out of office' for this week just gone...
I'm feeling really under the weather at the moment, and to keep on track, I'm not going to be responding to emails very quickly or doing much else in addition to what is already in my diary this week. I talk about self-management enough - the challenge is doing it well myself!
Thank you to everyone who has had the patience to keep quiet when they know full well that I am overdoing it, and not saying 'I told you so', and to everyone who has been so understanding this week, while I try and clamber back on track.